A S H Smyth

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Fifty-one per cent of the foreigners in England live in London.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, July 28 1906

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International rugby union referee Nigel Owens wears Superman pants while he’s officiating.

The Iraqi army is about to defeat Islamic State.

There’s no playbook for how to be a guy.

In 1947 a United States Congressional report titled ‘Fascism in Action’ listed Alexander Hamilton as an intellectual inspiration for the Nazis.

One in three jumps races this season have been won by five or more lengths.

Joseph Stalin’s granddaughter runs an antique shop in Portland, OR.

The first wicket ever taken by the Authors CC was a stumping off a wide ball.

In Hong Kong, Masters of the High Court are addressed as ‘Master’.

Wagner never owned his own jet.

The tropical Rafflesia arnoldii reproduces with the help of ants and carrion flies.

Put an upside-down saucer in a pan of milk and it won’t boil over.

Successful applicants to the BBC Journalism Trainee Scheme could find themselves working on Victoria Derbyshire.

The new Charles Dickens book is now available.

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Though Russia is fast developing her oil lands, the United States produces more petroleum than all the rest of the world.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, June 22 1912

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In English maritime law a ship is not ‘wrecked’ if the cat survives.

Ezra Pound heard many performances of the Bellringers’ Guild.

Kale is a winter vegetable.

Napoleon’s troops shot the nose off the Egyptian sphinx for target practice.

If you put a chameleon on tartan it will explode.

You are twice as likely to crash while texting than drink-driving. (So if you need to send an urgent text, put an inebriated friend behind the wheel, instead.)

1% of marmalade sales are to people under 28.

Beauty and the Beast isn’t the first Disney movie for LGBT audiences.

The Welsh character is an interesting study.

John Travolta is 63 years old.

Turtles find it very difficult to look happy.

You never know with clowns.

Canadian passports have images of ice hockey in them.

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In many parts of Africa gin is the only currency.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, January 6 1909

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James Ramsay MacDonald became Prime Minister of Great Britain three times.

Water is a better conductor of sound than air.

A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.

Maurice Ravel was responsible for the creation of Led Zeppelin.

Being a policeman ranks below farming, fishing, and being a binman in the UK’s list of most dangerous jobs.

The first actor to play Tinky Winky in Teletubbies was sacked for incorrectly interpreting the role.

Socrates outlawed the sale of black liquorice in a just society.

To be ‘hairy heeled’, meaning ill bred, comes from bloodstock breeding. A racehorse should not have too much hair about the fetlocks.

The Swiss Army has accidentally invaded Liechtenstein three times.

If you hear there’s a unicorn in a wood, don’t go there with a virgin.

American novelist Paul Auster has two books on his nightstand. He has finished both of them.

84% of people think that political correctness has gone mad.

Not all contemporary poets are from the North.

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The honorary freedom of the borough of Rye in Sussex confers upon the freemen the privilege of kissing the mayoress.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, March 21 1907

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When you register your child at birth, it immediately becomes the legal property of the state.

In WW2 German physicists were able to discern the weather conditions in London from the tolling of Big Ben broadcast on the BBC.

Male kangaroos flex their biceps to impress their females.

Sir Nicholas Gimcrack died from a fever brought on by chasing a butterfly.

A man in Thailand believes a 10-foot cobra is the reincarnation of his deceased girlfriend. They go to the gym together.

Former England rugby hooker Brian Moore is a qualified nail manicurist.

In February 1643, Dutch colonists massacred members of the Lenape tribe at Bowling Green.

When Samuel Beckett’s eyesight faded he played his favourite golf courses from memory.

They have the Queen’s English in Inverness.

Award-winning children’s author Anthony McGowan once lost two children while drunk in charge of a creche.

‘post-truth’ is now included in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Every one percent unemployment goes up, 40,000 people die.

All people who like musical theatre are divs.