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Category Archives: Fictions

‘Not to be’

Invited to decline the future of ‘to be’, I declined it in the here and now.

On the back of a picture postcard

I oughta have brought you here.

Why Peter Ackroyd publishes more than me

Her argument Peter Ackroyd is a genius. Peter Ackroyd is a workaholic. Peter Ackroyd is a Brilliant Man. My argument Peter Ackroyd doesn’t have a girlfriend.

A difficulty (The End)

She said she didn’t want to be with someone else. But the one she wanted to be with wasn’t me.

Why my ex-wife and I didn’t have that much sex

She thought it was normal to be in bed at 10 o’clock. I thought it was normal to be in bed at 10 o’clock. Pretty soon, it turned out there were two 10 o’clocks.

After Wood (after Sebald)

… and it was here, while re-reading an article by the American critic James Wood on the oneiric nature of the writings of ‘Max’ Sebald, that I found myself impressed more and more by the feeling that it was in fact Wood himself who had at least once previously caused me to look up the […]

Brag

Give me a phone and an e-mail account and I can get any woman into bed. Almost any woman. Any literate woman. With an above-average sense of humour. And a penchant for high-wire irony. Any woman I want.

Takes two

When my girlfriend told me she’d cheated, I said that I had too. It seemed the quickest way to hurt her. And to spare her sorrow.

The wife’s take on narrative

“I thought I was going to sneeze. But I didn’t.”

Nicholson Baker confesses

‘Sometimes, when I finish typing a sentence I like, I flick my hand up from the keyboard like a pianist at the end of a piece. But this was not one of those times.’